Penguin says quack quack quack
Others wear a power suit to assert their presence. I wear one to feel braver.
I had a poor sleep last night with an abnormal invasion of dreams that are at best described as rubbish. This morning's climate was at its most humid and I'm surprised I didn't drown in my own perspiration.
En route to school, my attempt to empty my brain was faltering. I was freaking nervous. All my months of preparation, frustration, bruised pride, sleep foregone, everything are going to be decided in a thirty-minutes interview with three esteemed scholarship committee members. How could I not sweat?
Nobody would probably believe this but I wear my butt out practising how to sit and walk the previous night. I was praying it won't be an American Idol type of interview with the judges at one end and me in a miserable stool on the far end (it wasn't, thankfully). According to Jo, women should sit with their legs kept to one side. Problem is I can't balance with this posture. Perching precariously on the edge of the seat, I was on the verge of toppling over. What a memorable sight that would be. The ONLY candidate to topple over during an interview. Laugh laugh laugh.
Braving humidity and capricious showers of rain, I reached school 40 minutes early. Couldn't decide what to do. I was a bundle of nerves. I would have given anything to pack up and leave through the back gate.
I made a quick trip into the library for some aircon but the atmosphere was so stifling that I left after 5 minutes. (Countdown: 35 minutes). Visited the level 2 washroom to freshen up myself. When I looked into the mirror, I saw a stressed up self with tight knitted brows and thin lips. I don't know how long I stood in front of the mirror. It could have been an eternity and I wouldn't have known the otherwise. I gave myself a hard shake, a quick pep talk with the freaked out goose in the mirror (After all, I made it to the interview. I must be good. I earned that half-an-hour of talktime.), threw on my jacket, picked off imaginary lint from the fabric and smiled weakly. Oh my, my tummy is churning. I feel sick.
It was 9.40am when I waited at the lift lobby. The 3 lifts were packed with students and staff. I waited morosely. Could not suppress the urge to detour to the 5th floor washroom instead of the meeting room at level 6. Spent another 7 minutes in front of the wide mirror. 9.55am. Mustered all the fibres of courage I have and marched to level 6.
It was unusually clustered. What's up with everyone today? Everywhere I go is packed. I saw two familiar faces - Sylvia Yeo and Karen Tang - who were very kind to encourage the quavering penguin. Sylvia mistook me for a graduate before she registered that graduates don't look like they're going to the abattoir.
I guess it was a moment of epiphany or sheer miracle. I sat down on the couch and suddenly gained control of myself. There was no pre-warning. It just struck. The sudden surge of confidence is amazing. After I muttered a fervent prayer under my breath, Sherry took me to the fateful meeting room.
And I'm on my own.
The interview panel has two women and a man. The room was cool but not oppressive. There was a long table and I'm saved from toppling over a stool with a comfy rolling chair. Good sign.
After a round of firm handshakes, the test began.
If the truth may be told, I actually enjoyed myself. I was very animated and energetic, a stark contrast to the earlier influx of morbid thoughts and heavy heart. 6 questions and a question regarding internship from me (an issue I'm particularly concerned with), 30 minutes flew by. The interviewers remarked that they were impressed with my 10-year career plan (That was my understanding of study plan. Whether I was the only dodo bird who interpreted it as such, I've no idea.) It is nonetheless another good sign.
At this juncture, I've to say I did the best I could though there were the usual regrets of "Hey, I could have mentioned this". Conscience-wise, I'm clear.
The first lecturer I wanted to thank was Dr Wong. When I found her, her students were relaxing over a cup of coffee outside. I came just in time for break. She didn't recognise me at first sight, mistaking me for a lecturer. I don't blame her though what with the penguin suit I was wearing. We had a good chat...she's a nice tutor to have. :)
The verdict will be out by mid-Oct. It would be a bonus if I win the scholarship. If I don't, the learning value of this scholarship application process has been a life-transforming experience. On top of that, I can sit with legs tucked neatly to one side without toppling over. What more can one ask for? *laughs*
There're many more people to thank: god for courage and strenth, my family for their unwavering support and faith, tutors for their guidance, friends esp those who helped to edit my manuscripts despite their overloaded schedules, programme officers for their encouragement and the scholarship committee for considering me.
What an eventful week it has been! Planned to buy myself a new pair of serious trainers as a reward. Four years after the christmas@Reebok specialty shop , I hung up my first Reeboks (incidentally also a high performance, top of the range, utterly expensive model) on Sept 27, 2005.
posted by Michelle at
2:12 PM
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